we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
