he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I will pee on everything he values.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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