So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
