i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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