I could have mohawked her pubes.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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