i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
