Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
