He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
