somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
