just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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