The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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