you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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