How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
