I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
