Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
