i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
