I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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