Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We are two peas in an std pod
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
