Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
