I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
