The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
