birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
