sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize