i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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