I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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