i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.