In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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