Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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