You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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