I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
