how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
