So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
3 2 1 whiskey
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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