No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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