That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
