last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
