I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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