meet me or not, i'm out of control
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
