I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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