Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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