I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
