Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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