Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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