I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
