At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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