I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
