but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
