Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
