Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
