What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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