I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
