When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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