You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I would fuck him just for his dog
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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