I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
