yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
