Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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