in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
