Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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