Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
