You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
