how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
we're so committed to being not committed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
