he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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