I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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