I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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