Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we're making bets on your personal life
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
