I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
