Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
