I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
