The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
