You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
