That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.