She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
