my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
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Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't notice because vodka
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!