just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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