I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"