shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?