It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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