"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?