You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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