haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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