Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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