i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
