Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
