I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
