her vagine was all disorganized.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
