Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
